The Right Person?

A nice article for the married, soon to be married,and waiting to be married...

Food for thought and in the words of Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ:

THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome(when it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO
DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe(such as gravity),there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's
a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

Buhay Pag-ibig!

BUHAY PAG IBIG
Yung ibang tao, naiinggit. Wala kasing nagmamahal sa kanila. Yung iba naman, tatanga-tanga! Minamahal na nga nang todo, binabalewala lang! Alam mo, swerte ka sana kaso tatanga-tanga lang!

Minsan na kong nagmahal, minsan na kong naloko. Minsan na nga lang, naagaw pa! Pero di bale! Mas bagay naman sila, eh. Isang basura, isang basurera. Perfect match, diba?

Nung iniwan mo ko, ikaw ang sinisi ko kung bakit ako lubos na nasaktan. Mahal kasi kita pero di mo ko maintindihan. Ngayon salamat, ha? Kasi kung di mo ko iniwan, hindi ko siya matatagpuan.

Sometimes you tend to be in despair when your loved one doesn't love you back. But don't worry, don't cry much. Just close your eyes and whisper, "Mahal din ako nun. Pakipot lang."

When you ran, I chase you. You told me to stop following you. When I stopped, you got mad! Aminin mo na. In love ka rin sa kin, no?

If you ever find someone better, funnier or nicer than me, go ahead, hindi kita pipigilan. Pero pag iniwan ka ng gagong yun, tingin ka lang sa likod mo. Nandun ako, nang-aasar sayo, "Better than me pala, ha?"

Lagi ka na lang may rason. Nakalimutan mong tumawag, nakalimutan mong magtext, nakalimutan mong magpaalam. Pero ingat ka, ha? Baka pag naalala mong mahal mo ko, nakalimutan na kita.

Pag nakita mo na masaya ang mahal mo sa piling ng iba, wag kang malungkot o umiyak. Isipin mo na lang na masaya siya dahil mukhang clown ang kasama niya.

If I see you flirting with others, I won't cry. Instead I'll stand in front of you, chin up, stomach in, chest out at sabay sabi, "Mas masarap akong magmahal diyan. Sana wag mong pagsisihan!"

Kapag ikaw ang iniyakan ng lalaki, ang swerte mo dahil mahal ka nga niya! Pero pag ikaw ang umiyak dahil lang sa kanya, di ka lang malas, tanga ka pa! Lalaki lang yan, pwede ba?

Minsan lang magmahal ang pusong tanga. Niloko pa! Subukan kaya niya ang magmahal at lokohin din siya? Nang masabi niyang,"GOSH! Masakit pala!"

Nagkita kami ng ex mo kanina. Nalaman niyang tayo na. Pinagmasdan niya ko at bigla siyang tumawa. Sabay sabi, "Pang-ilan ka? Ako kasi yung una!" Sagot ko, "Una ka nga, ako naman ang last niya!"

When you love, don't give your 100%. Leave at least 70% for yourself so if ever he'll hurt you, you could still stand up to him and say, "Wala na bang mas sasakit pa diyan? Sus, walang kwenta!"

If someone leaves you, don't dare cry. Just smile and be happy. Pero bago mo siya tuluyang palayain, ibulong mo to sa kanya, "Maganda ako. Pasalamat ka pinatulan kita!"

Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin. Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako nagsawa. Natauhan lang."

Pwede mo kong lokohin pero wag kang magpapahuli sakin. Pwede mo kong palitan pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno hanggang pumorma na. Tapos pag nahulog ka na, ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang iiyak ha dahil ... anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too much tears nor did I ask him to love me again. Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!"

Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka, mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin. Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga, iiyakan mo pa?

Does Love Needs A Reason?

Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?

Man: I can't tell the reason.. but I really like you..

Lady: You can't even tell me the reason... How can you say you like me?
How can you say you love me?

Man: I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man: Ok ok!!! Erm... because you're beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movements..

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and became a vegetable.

The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:

Dearest,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you... Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you.. Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile, because of your every movements that I love you..

Now can you smile? Now can you move?

No, therefore I cannot love you...

If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.

But does love need a reason?

I still love you... Because love doesn't need one

The KISS

She is pregnant, he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the
distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

Scroll down for photograph.

10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep
before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

The Happy Hang-over

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

On Unfounded Fears, Heartaches and Breaking-Up

One has to always put the end in mind. But that is not the only significant part of the journey. Keep in mind that when we start any journey, it is always the destination we look at. But once we reach the destination, it's the journey that we will always remember. We should not be too blinded with the destination that we forget to enjoy the trip going there.

Just like in a relationship, you just don't think that you should enter into a relationship because you will already marry the person. You enter into a relationship to get to know the person better and discern if she indeed could be that person walking down the aisle with you. You have to spend some time with her and find out if the two of you are compatible and could hit it off. You won't know this by not giving the girl a chance. You would not know all these things just by the looks of the girl or your first impression of her. Once you are in that relationship, that's the best chance to build on what the two of you already have.

Don't break up with someone just because you don't see yourself with the other person for the rest of your life. Don't jeopardize a possibly wonderful relationship. How would you know that the other person is the right one if you don't give her/him a chance to prove her worth? How would you know that she/he could be the one if you prematurely cut off the relationship because at the moment you don't see yourself sharing the future with her/him? How would you know this if you don't give her/him the chance? And I tell you that it will take you a long time (or possibly never) to find another girl/guy like her/him. Remember that its not
>>everyday that you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love!!!

>>It might be possible that you would still remain as friends. But being "together" opens a lot of possibilities and opportunities that friends do not get. Even if you remain as friends, you would not be as close as before. The intensity and the same feeling is no longer there. The relationship will no longer be on the same level. We can't predict the future, we just need to hope and to pray for the best and for what is right and believe that's how it will be.

In the movie "Can't Hardly Wait", there was a line in that movie that goes something like this: "Fate takes you just as far. Destiny is when everything falls right into place and its just up to you to make it happen."

Destiny is a mixture of chance and of choice. Its not a thing to be waited. You must make it happen. Don't you feel that everything has already fallen right into place and its up to you to make it happen? Everything is just so right and how would the both of you know if this indeed is fate or "the plan" if you would not give it a try. The only way for you to know is to at least give the relationship a chance and
find out for yourselves. Don't miss this chance of finding it out because of some unfounded fears.

At least if you give it a try, you can say that you did your best and you found out for yourselves. Not just based on some fear and apprehension that are just part of the countless possibilities that might happen.If it doesn't work, at least, after many years you would know if the both of you really were meant for each other rather than regret and bear the thought of all the things that might have been? At least you
would clear all the "what ifs" and the "only ifs" in the future. It will give the both of you peace of mind.

Would you find it too much of a coincidence that the both of you hit it off so wonderfully. It seemed that you've known each other for so long already though you have not known each other for that long. It seemed that you knew each other from another life. And each of you enjoyed every bit of it. You were like soulmates who finally found each other after a very long separation. You had everything going so well. Everyhting happened as if everything just fell right in place. Would you consider it fate? It's up to you to make it happen. What do you think?

You might say "This is something serious and that I might be making a big mistake and that I would just like to play it cool. No room for ambiguity here. Better, safe than sorry!" Better safe than sorry?! To be honest, in this world we live in, there is not a full proof plan that exist. If you always bear this idea in mind, I don't know if you would eventually find someone. You might just be too scared of the bad
things that you would end up missing all the good stuff!

The best that you can do is give the relationship a chance. You can never succeed without even trying. You should always hope for the best. And to hope is to risk pain...or satisfaction. To try is to risk failure but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. To risk nothing is to risk even more. You might be taking the risk of losing the one true thing that really matters to you.

Guarantee that you will be second to none. You would not completely know if she/he may already be the one if you don't give it a try. And it will be more painful to lose someone you love and who loves you more just because you are waiting for the right time. How will you ever know if this is already the right thing at the right time? What if the time is now? When will you really know when the right time is? You cannot love a person too soon for you would never know how soon it will be too
late. The greatest injustice love can ever offer is you not loving at the very right time only to find out later that it was the right person.

You've got so much going on right now. You have a lot of things in common. Imagine what you can share for tomorrow. You still have a lot of things ahead of you. Learn about each other together. You come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. And besides, nobody is perfect.

When you truly love someone you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead you fight for the mistakes, you accept the faults and you overlook excuses. If you truly love someone, you just don't bail out on the other person because there is something wrong with her. You'll know that it's true love you are having if you are still willing to love that person despite of
his or her flaws or infirmities.

The reason you met each other may be of destiny. But if destiny will suggest that you'll live without her, then why live not by destiny but of free will?